Regaining happiness and confidence.

I made a big decision last week. Well, it wasn’t a huge life-changing decision, rather, I didn’t think it would be. I’ll just cut to the point, shall I?

I cut off my hair!

Technically, the hairdresser cut off my hair, but you get the point. I told my parents last week that I wanted to have a hair cut and then I talked to my mum about it for a while because my hair is thick, curly and… unpredictable. After some research into how I would tame my hair, I decided that I definitely wanted to go ahead with the cut. I just didn’t see the point in wondering how it would look for ages and then not doing anything. I then had a wild thought. I could donate my hair. I told my mum and she immediately set up a fundraiser page and booked for the hairdresser to come and hack my hair off. So far, we have raised about £300 for The Little Princess Trust, and they will be getting about 10″ of my thick curls.

The cut happened on Wednesday and it was a bit of a shock to people at school the next day. The response seemed to be positive overall though, thank god. I”ve had a few compliments regarding the new style but, strangely, the most common has been, “Your hair is really cute.” which is new to me. Being called ‘cute’ is strange. That’s not happened to me before.

I felt really uncomfortable for most of the day though. I usually just blend in with the crowd, and I am quite content with that. But suddenly, with a new haircut, other students and every teacher who I have been tought by in the last three years, told me that my hair was different (as if I hadn’t noticed) and most said that it suited me. It just felt wrong for so many people to be talking to me.

Anyway, the first day of my new look was over and when I got home, I looked in the mirror, and everyone was right, my hair does suit me.

I am so glad that I decided to cut my hair off, because I have never felt so confident, especially after what happened to me a few years ago (I think I’ve talked about that before). I am so pleased with the way my hair looks and I feel so much better about myself. And that is all on top of knowing that, because of what I’ve done, a young person who has lost their hair, will get a real hair wig. That makes me immensely happy.

Not only I am more confident with the way I look, but I think I’m starting to feel like I’m becoming the person I want to be. I’ve mostly stopped caring about what the popular girls at my school think of me, I live in mom jeans and Dr Martens now, I play my ukulele constantly, I’ve been trying to improve my singing and acting, I auditioned for a part in our next mini production at school and I got it, much to the dismay of the year 11 who also wanted it, but he got a good role anyway so it’s not a big deal. It’s taken long enough, but I’m finally starting to like myself, and I’m so proud of myself for it.

I still have a lot of things that I’m not proud of myself for, obviously. For example, I binge watched almost a full season of Parks and Rec the other day. Oops. To be fair, it is probably the best show that has ever been on television.

I’m finally getting happier, I have tickets to see Twenty One Pilots, and for a reason that I couldn’t figure out, I wasn’t excited, but now I am. I am so ridiculously excited. I know that isn’t because of my hair, but it’s still about me getting better, which is kind of what this post is about.

Also, I’ve been trying to do more of the things that make me happy. I’ve spent a lot of time with one of my friends, but now I’m kind of worried because I would honestly marry her in a heartbeat, she is literally the best person I have ever met. When I’m around my friends, and I can be myself, and it slowly helps me to build my confidence, because it helps me to realise that just because some people don’t like me, it doesn’t mean that nobody likes me. I love being able to just be myself with no boundaries. That is part of the reason I go to the drama club at my school, it’s full of theatre nerds, I wouldn’t fit in more anywhere else.

I know that this will sound so basic and stupid but another thing that’s made me happy is that there is a boy in my group for a drama piece who I think kind of keeps flirting with me. But it’s difficult to tell, because I’ve never been flirted with before. It’s just nice to know that people care about me to be honest. I don’t think I’d want to be in a relationship with him anyway (we’re teenagers, so it’s not like anything would be serious), but it is a nice feeling when somebody is really nice to you and they aren’t just doing it to make themselves look good. I can joke around with him comfortably and we just act like idiots, and people who you can be an idiot in front of are usually good people.

I should probably wrap this up now, it’s getting late.

Basically, do more things that will bring you joy and try to do good things. Donating my hair is probably the best decision I have ever made.

Goodnight. x

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